A Hug Returned
by lavenderseyes
Summary: By holding Rukia tenderly, he knew that he may be setting himself up for another state of depression -just maybe.  Setting: after bleach 423..


**A Hug Returned**

**Disclaimer:** Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo.

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_**AN:** Hi, I was not able to write another chapter of "plans" because I am still grieving for the sad goodbye in chapter 423 (sobs _). But I think I will be able to put up another chapter within the week._

_This story has references to **A hug is the best medicine** (storyid=6382327), though the themes are totally different with this being categorized as hurt/comfort and the first one as romance (fluffiness) with a bit of humour. So please don't hate me for making these two stories related but totally different (in a way)._

_Not really sure why I put up this story, probably, just to express how sad I felt upon reading the latest chapter of the manga...(sob again _)_

_By the way, here is the expression of gratitude to those who showed appreciation to "A hug is the best medicine" Thanks to MidnightEcco, Aizawa Ayumu, MeoNg, Sepsis, Goranus, gollumsfriend, WHEE and Zykira678._

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It has been days since Ichigo lost his powers. Ten whole agonizing days of trying to forget about the fact that he had not only lost the ability to see and communicate with Zangetsu but also with her.

The sympathetic look that greets him everyday whenever he meets the eyes of Chad, Inoue and Ishida were enough of a reminder of how pitiful he has become. Not to mention the lack his father's usual antics were like cherries on top of his misery. To his opinion, he has become so pathetic that he wished his father would just go back to being his annoying self just to make him feel that nothing has changed. But not all wishes do come true, because if it did, he should still be out there fighting hollows alongside her.

He spent his nights wallowing in the emptiness he felt...grasping at his chest once in a while as if his fist could fill the hole in his heart. He was angry that she came to change everything, only to leave, as if asking to just forget about everything and go back to his usual life. Like hell he could do that! He can't even go through the night without seeing her lavender eyes looking sadly at him in his dreams.

He was also jealous that the others could see her and he could not. He was frustrated for trying to swim himself towards his normal life, only to be dragged down to depression every time he closes his eyes and found himself in a crumbling world where the rain never stops.

He knew that the battles cost a lot and that everyone has made sacrifices, but why does it feel like they have all finished mourning and have started to move on and he has not? For the nth time, he grabbed a fistful of his shirt and closed his eyes as if this would lessen the stabbing pain his chest. He slowly sat up on his bed and stared into the darkness that filled his room.

In his mind, he knew Rukia was there. But then again, it may just be his desire and wish for her to be there. He smiled bitterly at his own arrogance. Why would she be here? Just to watch and see him miserable? This very same thought was what made him realize that he has to start moving on. He will not embarrass himself in front of her by showing her his sad miserable face. He could almost hear her saying conceited remark of him missing her, which he knew he would deny straight away and end the conversation with an insult on her height.

"I have to forget about her" was his last thought before settling in that night.

And true enough, he welcomed the next morning with full energy. He went down for breakfast after a quick shower only to be greeted by his father's fist on his face. This caused his nose to bleed, but it was nothing compared to the bruises his father received for punching him so early in the morning. It was great that his father was back to his energetic self. Yuzu made the usual delicious meal and Karin showed her typical bored expression. Things he has not noticed when he was too busy being absorbed in his own gloomy world. Everything was somehow helping him to heal.

This continued when he went to school, as Keigo came running towards him upon his arrival only for Keigo to end up nursing a bruised neck on the floor. His trademark wail with tears streaming down his face as he rant about how Ichigo was always so mean to him. He greeted everyone happily, much to the surprise of his classmates and his friends. But it was until lunch break when Ishida brought back the topic he has been meaning to put at the very back of his mind all morning.

They were having lunch at the rooftop when Ishida just said, "You do not have to forget...just stop holding on."

Ishida was annoyed at how Ichigo just went from being depressed one day, to being overly happy and normal the next. It just doesn't work that way.

Upon hearing Ishida's comment, everyone stopped talking (and eating). They turned their attention to Ichigo, but in a subtle way. Inoue decided to focus on his wasabi coated tofu, flipping it over and over using her chopsticks still glancing nervously at Ichigo once in a while. Chad put down the juice box he was holding and decided to bow his head down, thus covering his eyes with his long bangs. Keigo just started a random conversation with Mizuiro about inviting the girls from other school for karaoke, sending hints of finding a cute girl for Ichigo. On the other hand, Ishida just stared at him, waiting for his response. Upon realizing that he will not answer back, he packed his lunch and stood up.

"It's okay to be sad Ichigo and I hope you've already realized that you're not the only one who's hurting" Ishida gave him a kind smile, which Ichigo returned.

He stared upward at the sky "Yeah, I know" he whispered inaudibly.

After that, their lunch continued in silence. No one wanted to talk because they do not know what to say. Ichigo knew that it was their way of being sensitive of him. He knew he has been selfish these past few days, making them worry, so he decided to lighten up the mood.

"I'm okay, really. Just a little shaken, but basically fine" he smiled genuinely at them.

At this, Inoue's eyes tear up "that's great Kurosaki-kun". And slowly, the following days really did went well for him.

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Ichigo was tired. Their school days had been busy preparing for the coming school festival. He lie on his bed and let his stress flow through his soft mattress. He placed his hands behind his neck and stared absentmindedly at the ceiling.

"You look tired"

He heard a familiar voice. He chose to ignore it, thinking that it was just a voice inside his head.

"I see you have chosen to ignore me now"

He heard it again. This time, he decided to look at the source of the voice just to prove that he has not gone mad, hearing voices.

Then, he winced at the sight of the person before him. After he has gotten over the shock, he sat up on the edge of his bed and put his feet on the floor. He gave her a questioning look.

"You look tired" she ignored his inquiring gaze and just repeated. She was standing in front of the closet that used to be her room, with a hand on her hips and the other dangling uselessly on the side. She looked exactly the same, her big violet eyes, her proud voice and her raven short hair.

"I just dropped by to return a favour" she smiled and slowly approached him. Ichigo stiffened. His heart started to beat fast as if his chest was threatening to explode. He hasn't felt this for a long time.

She extended her right arm and reached out to touch his shoulder. Ichigo followed her approaching hand and flinched as it approaches his body and settled on his left shoulder. He was surprised that he felt her. He shifted his gaze at his violet eyes. Rukia laughed, seemingly amused at the expression he was giving her.

"You forgot that we can enter a gigai so that we can be seen and felt by humans, right?" Rukia chuckled mockingly at his ignorance.

Ichigo sensed that he may have looked stupid, because he actually did forget, and went on the defensive mode, "of course I knew that!" he said turning his head a little to the side to hide the blush that crept to his face.

He could feel her hand trembling on his shoulder, but he waited patiently for her to continue. He knew the "favour" that she will return and allowed things to take place as on her own time. Just like how it always has been.

Rukia swallowed hard to push back the lump in her throat. She has debated with herself countless times whether or not she should do this, obviously, the idiot forgot that she could use a gigai. But for him to see her would just mean nothing. The fact that he lost his shinigami powers will not change. The fact that they could not be together, will also not change. It will just make things more difficult for both of them. So why did she suddenly decide to go see him now? Why suddenly decide to beg Urahara to lend him a gigai, even when soul society would not allow her to? This is because she was selfish. She just felt that she had to let him know that she was still there. Seeing that he was happily moving on his life was great. But it also made her feel like he has forgotten her. Rukia may be selfish, but she just can't help it. Probably, being in love makes a person selfish.

In the end, her desire to make her presence known to him has overcome all reason.

She bit back a sob that was threatening to escape her lips. Her resolve to move on without him has wavered, that was why she was here now, in front of him. The short play has already started; she has to end the show even though she knew that the story may still be a "Tragedy".

So she placed her other hand below his shoulder and drew herself closer to him. He was still not moving and his head was still facing on the side. To this, she was thankful. At least, he will not see the cowardly and weak girly face she was making now. She continued to move towards him until her chest hit his. She settled her face in between his shoulder and neck and closed her eyes feeling his warmth. She was unable to stop the tears silently spilling from her eyes.

She said her intention was to give back the hug he has given her ages ago, so that she can comfort him and remove his tiredness. But truth be told, she was the one that needed the hug.

"Thanks midget, I do need a hug." With this, he also placed his hands around her and held her tight.

Ichigo smiled. The hug was an added bonus, because just seeing her was enough. He drilled into his mind what Ishida said _"You do not have to forget...just stop holding on."_ But that night he will break his promise to himself and hold on to her. He knew that after a minute or so, she will pull away from him. Smirk and say that she has returned the favour to him and leave unceremoniously through the window. For the last time, her violet orbs will stare into his eyes with the sadness of another goodbye. He knew that in holding her tenderly, he is just setting himself up for another state of dejection. But how can holding her be wrong, if it felt so right? Why is it that _holding on_ seemed like the right thing to do?

Dealing with the difficulty of another goodbye is a risk he was willing to take. Because amidst all the worry that he will be left alone again, there is a glint of hope that maybe - just maybe- she will choose to stay. Maybe if he held onto her longer, or whispered to her ear that he loved her, or asked her to stay would be enough for her to choose be with him. So he took a leap of faith...He slowly released her from his embrace, took a deep breath and slightly pushed her shoulders to make her level with him face to face. He stared into her eyes, and with a nervous smile he said the words he failed to say when they parted...

_"I love you..." he breathe "please stay..."_


End file.
